Path: utzoo!utgpu!jarvis.csri.toronto.edu!cs.utexas.edu!yale!bunker!hcap!hnews!119!5.0!Laurie.Wilson
From: Laurie.Wilson@p0.f5.n119.z1.fidonet.org (Laurie Wilson)
Newsgroups: misc.handicap
Subject: Re: Now SilentTalk is Here!
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Date: 4 Feb 90 03:48:38 GMT
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[This is from the Silent Talk Conference]

 
 > deal of time with their 3 HI children).  Coming from a military
 > family, I attended public schools all over the world and
 > didn't have any problems adjusting.  I think that is why
 > I believe so strongly in mainstreaming as I feel children
 
Since your parents have been exposed to the hearing disability of 
their children, it is one main factor that has helped make it easier 
for them to accept it.  I agree that mainstreaming is important for 
deaf children.  You are lucky in one sense for having been exposed 
to a variety environment during your childhood.  It made you more 
accepting of other worlds.
 
 > I'm also aware that there are more deaf children now than
 > there were when I was a child and I've also noticed that
 > the parents of these children today want their children
 > to be exposed to the hearing world.
 
Yes, this is so true that there are more deaf children now than it 
was back in my days too.  And some parents of today are learning to 
communicate better through sign language with their deaf children. 
However, I know of many other parents who don't bother to  communicate 
with the children.  How would you like it if there is a big family 
reunion and they all are hearing, you would feel pretty left out. 
That is what it is like for most deaf children of hearing families 
It really cut deep and leaves some scars.
 
Let me explain how it was for me (even though you don't believe in 
sign language).  When I was in oral school for the deaf, all of those 
deaf children, including me, used sign language to interact with each 
other, but only behind the teachers' backs.  It was same thing at 
home, too. My parents forbid me the use of sign language at home. 
Funny, I was happy back then for I was pretty naive and thought that 
the hearing authorities knew what they were doing. They led me to 
think that being deaf was wrong and that to talk and act like hearing 
would make me more normal in their eyes.  As I turned into a teenager, 
I had come to a point where I was self conscious about my being different 
from the hearing community. So, I avoided interacting with the deaf 
community because I naively believed that those deaf people were inferior 
due to their inability to speak. Then I met and married at age 15 
to a man who was 13 years older than me.  He was prejudiced at anyone 
different from the normal majority (the whites and "normal").  But 
like I say before I was very open and naive. I thought he was a greatest 
guy...  When my first child (son) was born, I wanted to teach him 
some sign language because I felt it was important for us to communicate 
well and also for him to accept other deaf people.  However, Tom (ex-hubby) 
discouraged it, for he believed that he and our three children don't 
have the responsibility to learn sign language in order to include 
me in their conversation.  So, for 17 years of our marriage, I was 
pretty isolated and had no friends at all.  Every day at our mealtimes, 
I couldnt even understand or keep up what the children and their father 
were discussing about. If I inquired about it, they would say "Oh, 
it is not important, or oh never mind."
 
For 15 years, I didn't sign at all because we moved all over U.S. 
and I didn't come across any deaf person during those years. After 
my youngest child enrolled in kindergarten, I enrolled in the community 
college to complete my high school education. That was back in '83.
There it was my first time that I met an interpreter.  At first, I 
read her lips during the lectures, but it became too tiring on my 
eyes. So, I took a crash course of sign language, in order for me 
to understand the interpreter's signing in the classes. In the sign 
language class, as I was learning to sign, it all came back to me. 
I broke down and cried because Ii felt like I was finally back home 
in my old deaf world.  All those years I had forgotten my deafness 
and was pretty unhappy from being so isolated and lonely.
 
Well, to make this short, Tom and I have been divorced two years now. 
Needless to say, the last one year has been one of the most exciting 
and happiest year for me. I have met many deaf people who have shown 
me that they are really normal like the hearing ones except that they 
speak different language. Most of them hold realy good and high paying 
jobs.  The  point of this is that I am really proud to be deaf. I 
am no longer trying to be like hearing, even though I still have some 
old hearing traits, but they are not bad habits.  I also accept that 
I may not be 100% deaf member of the community. The middle world is 
fun for me. I like it both ways.
 
I admit that I have some deep scars from the past interaction with 
hearing poeple, including my ex-hubby.  If I am in a family reunion, 
old pain of feeling alone or isolated is still there.  I have talked 
about it with my mom, sister, and dad.  They have taken some sign 
language courses the past two years.  We have grown closer now. Back 
then they wouldn't accept the deaf ways and they took my speech and 
lipreading skills for granted by thinking I can keep up with their 
conversation with others.
 
One of the reasons why I feel it is so IMPORTANT for parents to learn 
sign language is that it would help make children feel part of the 
family in everyday life.  There are some programs that gear towards 
to parents who want to make the deaf children feel included in the 
family life---not alienated.  Sign language is one of the basic ingredients 
in the programs.
 
Well, Ann, there is one thing that you need to understand ...there 
are many deaf people who have been psychological scarred from their 
upbringing. and this is one of the reasons why they tend to keep hearing 
people or anyone who dont know sign language from their community. 
We all need to be more understanding and compassionate to them, for 
they have had it rough.  Sometimes, I can be cynical when I hear some 
hearing persons saying they wanted to do something "for" deaf people. 
It is similar to the white people saying what they think is good for 
black people.  Get it?
 
Well, well...this is awfully long message. I just felt a need to point 
those things out by letting you know what it is like in the deaf world. 
For centuries, we have had those telling us what to do and making 
feel inferior.
 
Don't worry if you don't agree because I am pretty much open minded 
person, even though I tend to be opinionated. (grin)

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