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From: nef@calmasd.Prime.COM (Nancy Fox)
Newsgroups: soc.feminism
Subject: Re: BOOK REVIEW: _Gender Blending_
Summary: personal experience
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Date: 1 Feb 90 00:01:21 GMT
References: <25C26AAE.27180@paris.ics.uci.edu>
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In article <25C26AAE.27180@paris.ics.uci.edu>, tittle@ics.uci.edu writes:
> Review by Cindy Tittle
> 
>   Gender Blending
>   by Holly Devor
> 
> Holly Devor interviewed fifteen women who are consistently mistaken
> for men as the basis for this book. 

I am frequently mistaken for a man.  This occurs most often over the
phone, but has also occurred occasionally in person.  I'm a lesbian,
and I usually wear pants and flannel or cotton shirts.  This mistaking
me for a man though has always made me and my friends curious, though,
because I don't really look masculine.
 
> All the women interviewed for Devor's book were dedicated tomboys with
> the support of their fathers (or father figures) as children; all felt
> betrayed when their fathers suddenly expected them to act feminine
> when they entered puberty -- to the extent of disparaging the same
> masculinity they had earlier encouraged.  In resisting the new roles
> expected of them, the women found that they were often mistaken for
> men.  Devor explores the effect of this on the women, as they are
> forced to examine their own gender identity in the face of so much
> demonstrated confusion, examine the perception society has of men and
> women, and examine their sexuality.

This is true for me also.
 
> Some of these women correct people when they are mistaken for men.
> Others have learned to ignore it, still others get very angry at
> people for making the mistake.  On the other hand, some tended to be
> uncomfortable with what they saw as their duplicity, blaming
> themselves rather than others for the mistakes.  Often they were
> puzzled, pointing out that other women dressed in pants and had short
> hair as well.

One thing that has occurred to me is that, though I don't look
masculine, I don't act or look feminine, so that leaves masculine
as the alternative.  This has particulary occurred to me when speaking
over the phone.  I don't have a low voice, so I don't think it's the
sound of my voice that makes people think they are talking to a man.
I think it has more to do with the manner of my speech.  My manner
is direct and straightforward, which I think more people interpret
as masculine.  I used to correct people, but, I finally figured out
that I get better service, better reservations, and treated with more
respect when the person at the other end of the line thinks they are
talking to a man.  Of course not all the time, but often enough that
I started noticing it.

> All of them refused to be obviously feminine, stating that they would
> break their ankles on stiletto heels, feel ridiculous in dresses and
> silly in makeup and jewelry.  Some women pointed out that they
> actually looked like transvestites when they tried, like men dressing
> as women.

Yes.  I've wondered if it is just because I haven't worn a dress in
twenty years.  But I do remember always feeling ridiculous in 
dresses, and I never wore makeup.  However, I see myself as
female, but not "feminine".  I have no desire to be masculine, or
appear masculine.  I wear the clothes that I wear because they are
comfortable, not because they are masculine.  You know the old joke
about lesbians and comfortable shoes...I think there is some truth
to the joke.  No one has ever been able to sell me on the idea that
wearing a bra and pantyhose and heels and short skirts or tight
jeans is comfortable.  I have had several women say to me when
they see me at work dressed in pants and shirt and deck shoes that 
they wished THEY could dress that way.  I'm always too surprised to
ask them why they can't.

> Many of the women are lesbian, while others prefer "hypermasculine"
> men for their partners.  Many described periods during which they used
> men as sexual objects in their anger toward being unfairly expected to
> give up their masculine behavior.  Many were actually mysogynistic to
> some extent, feeling that other women could and should take the same
> route that they did.

I don't understand what you're saying here.  In what way is that
mysogynistic?  I sometimes get very frustrated with what I call
"fembots" or those women who play into the helpless female role.
It makes it more difficult for all of us to move ahead out of
sexual stereotyping when some women are still actively playing
the game.  Is this what some of the women were expressing?

Maybe I should read the book?

> Others could see clearly how men and women were treated:

I have raised a daughter, my lover's daughter, who is absolutely my
opposite.  She has worn makeup, or at least tried to wear makeup,
since she was about six.  She is now twenty, and she is the extreme
of feminine - the clothes, the makeup, the heels, the jewelry,
the perfume, and especially the way she relates to men. And I've
seen what a different life she lives from my own.  If her car 
breaks down, five guys trip over each other to stop and help her.
I could grow old and die...Half the time, car repairs are free.
I don't think she's ever bought a meal...I remember walking with
her down the street when she was about fifteen, and guys would come
to a complete stop in the middle of the street to stare.  It was
weird.  It not so much that she's beautiful, she just knows how
to attract men.  But you know, I've also felt that, because she
knows how to manipulate men, she doesn't have a lot of respect
for them.  But that's another issue...
 
Thanks for the review.  I'll pick up the book.

Nancy